Who said?

Who said you can’t be everything you want to be? Well, whoever said this was deflecting what they feel for themselves on to you. I have worked so hard most of my life to become exactly whom I desired to be. It wasn’t the easiest thing I’ve ever done filled with dramatic highs and devastating lows. Somehow I rise to the occasion time and time again.

Tell me who said…


The Return of Angelo

Please Tell me what you think… chapter 15

The rain is beating against my window of my bedroom. Rains one of the most comforting sounds to hear, to me anyway. I can hear the sound of cars flying by on A1A. Lost in thought “why won’t he text me back?” I say to myself. Angelo, who is he? Was it’s me?

Bleep bleep……

“What you doing?” …. unsaved number

“Im good, may I ask who this is” … was my reply

“Angelo” ….unsaved number

I had deleted his number to be sure I would not call him before he called me. Figured this would help me with my process.

……”Its been awhile, hope you been ok.” I rush to answer him,

I was nervous to be hearing from him.

“Yes I know, I got so busy with music and my business I couldn’t find the free time” He replied.

“I know your upset with me, but I can explain I will make it up to you I promise. Well… if you let me?” ….

“I not upset” … was all I could say ever if my heart was hurting from the rejection he made me feel.

Rejection was a emotion I had become use to. As long as I could remember I desired love of others, but my desires go heard.

“Don’t be that way Aya, you know I’m feeling you. Come on” … he replied

I love when he calls me by name, reminds me that he knows it. The way his accent rolls my name is like a melody.

” can I see you?” He asked

“When Angelo” I hesitated to reply

“Now?” He said

I don’t know if this is the best Idea for me. It may open up a wound I’ve been working on closing. He has know idea the magnitude of the love I felt for him. People would say you can’t feel that way after dating only 6 week. I can feel however I damn well please, I say “they have never experienced Angelo”

“Sure what time should I be expecting you?” I answer

” An hour or so.” He asked

” Okay see you then…” I replied

I sprung to my feet looking in the mirror along side my bed. Thinking what I’m I doing? This guy is absolutely no- good for me.

Ever witness the way acid burn thought metal, this was the feeling of what he does to my heart! Looking at my reflection looking back at me I see a broken women, 34 years old never been loved truly; on the other hand may I have just not the way I desired to be loved. People get it twisted I want to love another from the bottom of my soul you know give them all off me! Could I be wrong, I embody passion the same way I do love! Seeing love as a true emotion felt beyond anything else on earth. Like being slowly kissed up the side of your neck, light kissing up as it becomes deeper to more of a sucking motion then a light biting feeling the intensity as the person energy drives you wild and you lose yourself in that person and space. The vibration of the two people becomes an intense mouth kiss that can be not controlled as your lips touch electricity runs though your veins. Lips become like a shock to your soul and the breath of their mouth like energy wave cascading through you. The sensation of their hands on your skin take things to another dimension. Your mind leaves the body, releases an energy felt so deep in your valley. Where sex is now more then just sex it’s a high that you can experience on a level of its highest measure! This amount of ecstasy can only be tap into in love or extreme attraction!

The rain is still coming down, it has its own clamming rhythm. Relaxing some of the anxiety crippling my mood. It’s 7:25pm and already dark only 25 minutes till he arrives. My shower had been enjoyable. I wipe the fog from the mirror above the bathroom sink. Pulling my hair into high ponytail, applying a light makeup look to give a natural and relaxed look. My hands shake as I’m doing my eyeliner, I try to steady my hands… but I drop the liner in the sink. So I stare for a moment to compose myself .

“You can do this” I say to myself

Lotion my legs, spray body spray across my body and my favorite perfume behind my ear, wrist and the small of my back. Slide on black panties to make my butt look perfect with a matching bra. I stand and look at myself for a moment. I’m much lighter then usual, winter pales me me out.

“I look Micheal Jackson” I think as I look

“I love MJ but I need some damn sun! Oh well, nothing can be done right now” I muddier to my self

I slip into the black loose fit dress, hanging off the shoulder so I can feel relaxed and sexy at the same time. Gold long neckless some gold hoops, light lip gloss and tease my curls in my messy ponytail. Spray the house with a light mist and lite a candle.. Light music playing

He’s what you want…

He’s what you want …

I’m what you need…

~ The Weeknd

Always knows how to set the mood!


I jumped almost out my skin!

“Mrs. Preston” said the door man

“Yes Martin” I answered

“Madam you have a visitor, Mr. Angelo Weldon” He answered

“Oh thank you dear send him up” I answered

“Thank you, have good day” I replied

Martian has been the evening door man for the better part of three years now. He’s from Haiti studying to to be a chemist. He’s probably thinking the ice queen has a visiter. I never have company not ever of the male form, unless it’s my best friend and he is gay.

Ding ding ding….

“Coming, one moment” I answered

I rush to the door, take two deep breaths. As I open the door I feel so nervous I can feel my hands shaking.

” Hello honey” I say kinda shyly

“Hey baby” as he leaned in for the hug

His embrace was electric, I could stay this way forever. He stood back looking at me still holding both my hands. I could not look him directly in the eyes, as I was to overwhelmed. How can a person have this much power over me? He stood at 6’2 with a slim build, tattoos that covered most of his body. Amazing brown skin, perfect teeth, red brown curly hair cut to perfection. Angelo is from the Bahamas but been in the states for 10 of his 24 years on earth. Yes he is 10 years younger then me an no I’m not ashamed!

” You ok baby girl” he whispered as he lifted my head to look at him.

I could only look at him, if I spoke I would have cried.

“I miss this beautiful face” he said as he kiss my forehead

” Come in, let’s not stand in the doorway” I say as I grab is hands to guide him toward the den.

” looks like you changed some things” he said

“Yes, it has been I while” I laughed

” would you like a drink” I say

” I have wine, club soda, whiskey etc….” I said

” I want what ever you bring me, surprise me!” He replied

I’ve always been good at making drink. I did own my own party planing company for 10 years now. I make something fabulous and masculine for him.

“If that’s possible?” I say to myself

As I stood at the bar I watched him looking out at the beach though the large windows that ran from the Ceiling to the floor. The rain was still coming down. He made me so happy I wish he knew this.

” Aya do you want to sit out here?” He asked

” With this weather that would be amazing” he followed

” Sure ” I answered

I walk toward him with the drinks as he open the sidling door. The wind was nice and rain still coming down hard. I kept looking at his hands, something about a man who has beautiful hands and nice nails. He starts to talk but I was lost in him. I don’t believe I heard a thing he was saying.

“Aya” he said

I jumped…

“I’m sorry I was thinking” I Hesitated

“About? come here” he said while reaching for me

” Sit next to me” he says

So I move next to him, on the outdoor sofa, sitting his drink down then taking my glass as well he sits both on the table but not before taking a sip of it first. I can feel a light mist of rain. He helps me to relax by rubbing my back with his nails slowly and kind hard, he knows what this can do for me. The wind is blowing so strong it’s making a whistling sound. Rain, Music, the wind and the drinks set the mood. I feel so at home in his arms, wishing this moment could last for ever! We say nothing for a moment, he continues to rub my back as he sips on his drink. After about twenty minutes or so he moves to get up.

He goes to make another round, this time his creation.

“Angelo bring the bottle” I yelled to the kitchen

“oh bae trust me I got this” he said laughing

He brings back almost the whole bar. I laugh so hard, as he stumbled coming out the door.

“Grab this” he said

“You think you got enough” I laugh

“I brought cards to” he said, while dropping them in my lap.

“Let’s have a shot” he said

“Ok, what kind” I answered

“Flaming Lemon Drop” he laughs

I just laughed

“I know the perfect card game” I said

“do you?” he replied

“Fuck the dealer” I said with a huge smile

“Sound interesting explain” he smiled back

His smile was intoxicating, so I leaned over to kissed him slowly once, then very slowly sucked only his bottom lip three times. He grab my face so tightly kissing me hard and kinda wild then eases down my neck.

” Don’t play with me, Aya” in a whisper

I know him and I knew this would more then excite him. Angelo picked up the shot he was about drink and slowly dripped the tequila down side of my neck. As it rolled down licked it away. My breathing became heavy with intense thoughts of how I want this man. One hand had made its way between my legs rubbing only the outside of my panties feeling between the lips of my pussy.

” Are you ready to play the game Aya” he said as he very slowly kissed my neck

” yes, yes I’m ready” I said breath so heavy

I want to take off my dress, pull my underwear to the side and take it how ever he wanted it.

[Fuck the dealer is simple you have a person who is the dealer and the other guess pulls a card from the dealers deck and then the dealer pulls one. The other person tells the dealer if they are higher or lower then the dealer if they are right the dealer takes the shot if they are wrong then they take the shot. You can not look at your card before you bid. One more thing this game is different today if you have to take the shot you also lose an article of clothing..]

Two shots of Patron later and we are just starting the game.

“Higher” he said

“Let’s see 7 of hearts” I giggled

“Give me your dress sexy lady 9 of clubs” he whispered in my ear

He took my dress off himself, pours my shot in my mouth.

Three rounds in and the rain has not let up, I’m only wearing these carefully selected panties and he’s got on all his under armor.

“Lower 6 of clubs” he said as he shook the card

“You lose, Ace of diamonds” I yelled and jump up

“I want you damn shirt right now sir” I said

“Okay Okay let’s go then” he yelled

“Oh you mad” I replied

“Nope” he snapped

“Let’s go” he snapped again

“Lower 5 of diamonds” he laughed

“Oh my Damn, 3 of hearts” I screamed

“Give me them damn panties” he said without hesitation

Quickly pulls them tightly into his hand then pauses with my shot secured between his lips

Starting eases them down rubbing my inter thigh with other hand. Feels like the rain got harder. Or maybe it’s heart beating so rapidly in my chest making feeling it had. Finally he gets my panties off, felt like it would never happen. He tucks my panties in his pocket of the pants on the floor. Slowly kissed my neck rubbing his hands freely over my skins. Working his way down to my breast while kissing and softly sucking my nipples. Rubbing his shaft against me slowly, opening my legs wide grinding my pussy over and over. I’m so wet he could easily slide in, but he’d never he wants you to beg for it liking the power it has over you. He move back toward the shoulder kissing me so slowly moving my hands above my head sucking my lips. Feeling my body trembling beneath him I open my mouth gasping for air. My world was spiraling out of control. I lose myself in him utterly.

He reaches for the shot from the last round of the game. He sits up takes a moment to looking down on me. Holding the drink with one hand and massaging inside my pussy with the other. Angelo is most confident when he’s showing off for you, a feature I desire most in him. Dripping tiny drops on my stomach as he leans and began to suck it off slowly, then drops on the inter thigh. I feel so out of my mind in this moment. Dripping tiny drops over my valley, he places the glass on the floor. Opens my legs first leaning down he kisses my pussy in a long sucking motion from the bottom to top. . Sucking the clit in a long sucking motion while easing his finger in and out. He hold my legs wide with his body and other hand because he loves to feel the vibration of my body through his body. I reach for him, his kiss will calm my body down. He refuses and I feel my world shaking he can feel it to. Vibrations is cascading Thur me quickly starts to kiss me deeply and pushing my legs wide as possible. while my body shakes he penetrates my pussy trying fill me all the way, gripping him my pussy won’t let him all the way in just yet. He moans loudly and take a really deep breath. I can feel the grip I have on him. His strokes are long and deep as he grips his hand around my neck tightly. Putting more in with every stroke.

” you belong to me” he mumbled

” I know this” I whispers

” turn over” he demanded

Turning over his nails rub run down my ass, I feel his tongue-first then lips kiss the lower of my back gliding is way along my spine. Grabbing my hair in his fist pulling me back, I gasp for air.

“You belong to me” he said

He guides me to bend over and let him inside. He kissed my ass check then slapped it so hard in the same place he kissed only seconds before. Slapping my check 3 times till the pale white was now red. Puts his shaft against my pussy, spreading my checks to see it sliding in. Im wetter with every stroke, I can feel it running down my leg.

“Please” I screamed

“Please Angelo” I screamed again

He stroked harder and deeper.

Grabs my hair again pulling me again back to him. Kissing my shoulders breathing so deeply against my neck until I turn around and beg for him to kiss my lips. Refusing to kiss me, deep open mouth breathing he proceeds to pounding into my pussy grabbing my neck. I can no longer take it my body has taken flight and I cum all down his shaft. Without stopping he make me take it over and over as my body shakes I grip him tighter. Even in sex he shows vanity, loving the control over me gives him pleasure beyond anything. He changes his rhythm slowing things down, making sure to not climax himself. Slow and deep bending me back forward as he runs his nails down my back.

“Are you ok” his says in a soft voice

I can only nod my head to tell him I okay. I want to scream out, but instead I tightened my grip on his shaft and throw it back to with all of me. I can see him lean back and watch me work him over. His moans are loud to almost a roar. I love hearing this from him, while whining on him.

“I want to see your face, turn over” he snap

I stop without hesitation, slowly he pulls out. Helping to turn he leans forward to kiss me. I want to suck on his shaft, he motioned for me to lay back. I hear the rain is slowing and the wind not as strong.

“ I’m sorry I hurt you” he mumbled

“I understand” I reply

“ you are mine” he says

I fall apart and a tear rolls down my eye.

“ don’t do that” he wipes my face

Is it possible to have it all with who you want it with? He lays his shaft against my pussy. I reach for him massaging him as I help him inside. He seems lager filling me up more. Our night had only just begun and the heavy rain is back.

While you sleep..

I’ve been here thinking of you.

Have you done the same?

My days are long my night longer.

Longing for the person you clam to be.

You said you were different.

You said you were true

But all I feel are the days and nights I’m without you.

Return to me.

You have me questioning myself.

Asking what did I do?

Did you get what you came for?

Sadly I wanted you.

But that must be for another time!

I don’t feel like waiting another night.

I Would Fall apart

I was under the impression I had a real issue, I find myself in a deep trans almost every day. I look forward to alone time more then I look forward to events and happiness. My days seem so long, nights ever longer. I even rush thru what is considered normal activities. All so I can Daydream. Sometimes this last for hours taking up my day and any plans I may have. I get lost in them sometimes repeating the same part of the dream over and over. Mostly the love side of it. It’s like I can plan out the perfect life of love, money, family, sex and joy! This only comes about once I’ve been rejected in some way by someone I wanted or I thought wanted me. I daydream on my way to work in the car. To the point that overly excited once I’m to my destination. I want to continue but life calls. I plan my days around my daydream time. It’s my perfect world where I find so much joy. I feel my life lacks so much in so many ways. So I dream of a life filled with joy and the things I would like to be apart of, like events I’m never invited to, dates I never go on, men that don’t call back.

Some days its love life in which I lack most. Dreaming of days where the guy I desire is in love with me. It’s usually a guy I’ve met had dealings within some form dating, sex, or texting but it somehow went no-where! This only means I wanted it to go somewhere but he lost interested. Sadly these daydreams feel good to hide the pain inside that’s killing me. Without daydreaming I would fall apart the pain would be too much.

It’s like a drug but more than that, the feelings are so deep I hope it would never end. It’s the only form of Love I’ve ever truly felt. Real life is so hard and dark. I don’t want to face it so I dream and dream… I look to my alone time as my hope for better days! Without it, I have to many thoughts going through my brain. Only in the past years had I realized I’ve been doing this from childhood. It’s like my life Soap Opéra full of so much love and happiness. (Freedom from pain). It makes me feel like I’ve won in some way, so I see it as a gift of coping with everything!

The love is better than any movie ever made…😏 Sex in my daydreams are full of all my desires. The most passionate sex that can be experienced. Full of emotion I get triggers from music, there are time i will listen to a song on repeat like 30 Times to completely let the moment captivate me. I can feel the weight of there body on my body the passion of each kiss. I get lost in the moment, it’s one of the greatest highs I’ve ever felt. (Euphoric)

I try not to become to lost in it!!!!